Hugs….Because Moms Need Them Too

If I Had My Children To Raise Over Again…

I wouldn’t change anything.

Because in the moment I did the best I could
Even when I was screaming at the top of my lungs…
Or crying out of frustration..

I was not always the best mom or the good mom or a mom my children loved.
Matter of fact, one time my youngest yelled at the top his lungs

I HATE YOU!

Then he stomped into his room and slammed the door.
I calmly got up, opened his door, and replied, as he looked at me with tears streaming down his face,

I don’t like you very much either.

Then I turned, quietly shut his door and walked away with tears in my eyes,
Yet triumphant that for once, I didn’t react with a temper tantrum.

If I had my children to raise over again….
I wouldn’t change a thing.

Because despite it all, I did the best I could
Like spending hours catching crayfish in our pond
Or casting the fishing pole that my son was struggling with
And who gave me the best compliment ever, saying
‘Mom, you’re not a mom, you’re a tomboy!’
Or making playdough, inside on a carpeted living room
Or spending the afternoon on a walk looking for stones
Or taking long drives during the day to discover new playgrounds
Or snuggling at night watching a movie or reading books
Or ending the day, singing lullabies like

I’ll love you forever,
I’ll love you for always
As long as I’m living,
My baby/son you’ll be.
From the book – Love You Forever by Robert Munsch
A book to this day I still own.

I wasn’t the best mom or the superhero mom or even a mom who would have won the greatest mom of the year award.
But I was a mom who never stopped loving,
Never wished my life to be any different
Or never stopped worrying
And always rising day after day, as I learned to be flexible and not let frustration get the best of me.
Especially the day I gave my oldest a deadline to move out
And when I arrived home from work,
He had packed his stuff and left.
For 9 months, I didn’t know where he was, let alone if he was even alive.
Then one day, I was coming from a meeting, back into the lobby where I worked
And he was there. And we hugged.
Two months after that he was back living with me.
As we both learned to navigate his evolving on the path of adulthood.

If I had my children to raise over again…
I would learn to never rest when I was sick.
A lesson I learned the hard way when
I had a major headache and decided to take a nap.
A few hours later I woke up as my boys with super excitement informed me that they had killed a spider.
Spiders, they knew, were the thing I was the most scared of at the time.
They did such a great job to make sure the spider stayed dead that they ended up clogging the toilet with so much toilet paper, we had to get a plumber to unstop it.
At the time I thought it was hilarious!
My husband, not so much.

If I had my children to raise over again…
There is one thing I would have done after all…
I would have driven over the fear and sucked up more courage to divorce their father sooner
So they could have been in a more stable situation as they developed into adults.
Yet, even staying in a marriage that was filled with turmoil
I did the best I could
And today, they both understand why I was not the best mom in those moments.

If I had my children to raise over again…
Is wishful thinking as they are adults,
Not always happy as they make their way down the path of their desires,
But alive and well and very much in touch with me
As they call for advice or in need of a shoulder or
Just someone they can vent to.
And I am still their biggest fan
Standing on the sidelines, cheering my heart out.

And as proud as I can be
For who they have become.